Against this backdrop, Jack* — a man who endured abuse from his former wife — feared no one would believe him.

Jack and his former wife Karen* began their life like many couples. They were in love, full of hope and excited to start a family. They married, had two children, and built a life together. But over time, Jack began to notice changes in Karen’s behaviour. They were subtle at first, then became increasingly alarming.

“Initially, I put these changes down to common stressors like parenting two young children, financial pressures related to her business, and COVID lockdowns. These things can take a toll on any couple, there was no reason to think we were any different,” Jack said.

Gradually though, Karen’s behaviour became more problematic. She was drinking heavily, and Jack found evidence of substance use. Her verbal abuse grew increasingly aggressive and soon the children were also being subjected to her anger.

Jack’s main concern was the effect this situation was having on the children. “I was desperate to keep the family together, so I sought help for Karen,” he said. They consulted a financial counsellor and a marriage counsellor, but things continued to spiral.

With tensions mounting, Jack realised that hopes of a reconciliation were over.

“We agreed to separate but still lived under the same roof,” he said.

However, Karen’s verbal abuse escalated, culminating in a number of serious incidents that required police intervention.

Throughout this period, Jack confided in only a few trusted people. As a tall, well-built middle-aged man, Jack was acutely aware of the gendered stereotype of domestic and family abuse.

“As a male, I thought no one would believe me. But thankfully I listened to my gut, as I knew something wasn’t right, something was off.”

Jack’s concerns were validated when an Apprehended Violence Order was served on Karen, requiring her to stay away from him and the children.

Through the police, Jack was referred to CatholicCare’s Local Support Services for Safer Pathways**, a program funded by the NSW Department of Communities and Justice to support male victim-survivors of domestic and family violence. He connected with CatholicCare Team Leader Nikki , who provided practical advice such as where to seek financial and emotional support to begin his healing journey.

“It was helpful to have someone to talk through this ordeal. Through Nikki, I really began to feel empowered that I was now taking some action and taking back some control,” Jack said.

“When I first connected with Jack, I recognised how difficult it had been for him to open up about his experience. But I am extremely proud and appreciative of Jack sharing his story and hope that it helps other victim-survivors to speak about their experiences,” Nikki said. “The Local Support Services program commenced in September 2024 and in the first three months of operations, received over 1,500 referrals from Police. While not all these referrals accepted support, these numbers are a stark representation of how many men are experiencing domestic and family violence.”

These days, while what happened will always be a part of him, Jack is focused on moving forward and giving his children the best life possible.

“I can now see that what the children and I put up with was not normal. There’s a real sense of loss for us. But we are working through it and building new memories together. And they’re good memories.”

“They each wrote me a letter for my birthday. It was absolutely beautiful, so loving and reassuring. It gave me confidence that I’ve done a good job and the right thing by them.”

“I want my children to know what a healthy relationship looks like, and to never settle for anything less,” Jack said.

“This isn’t the life we imagined, but if they come out of it knowing their worth, feeling safe, and empowered to choose happiness, then that’s everything I could hope for.”

For more information on support services visit www.catholiccare.org.au

*Name changed to protect privacy

**CatholicCare Social Services Hunter-Manning also operate a number of domestic and family violence support services including Renewing Pathways, and Staying Home Leaving Violence.